Post 324
by cronelyne
Summary: A one-shot about how Angie reacts when she finds out that Don offered to trade himself for Danny. It was actually nothing like this but it was an interesting study.


"I cannot fucking believe that you offered to exchange yourself for Danny!"

"Angie, he was hurt! They crushed his hand! We needed to get him outta there..."

"I don't give a fuck! You can't just offer to put yourself in that kind of danger! What kind of an idiot are you?"

"That's not fair, Angie. You weren't there..."

"Apparently not, since you obviously didn't think about me at all while you were going to Danny's rescue!"

"Look, you need to calm down, you're not thinkin' clearly. I did think about you, but I was doin' my job."

"You were supposed to be negotiating his release, not offering to trade places with him!"

_Shit, I gotta get her stopped before this gets completely outta control..._ "Angie, comere baby..." He reached out to her, wanting to get her in his arms, hoping that he could calm her down. _I've never seen her this upset..._ He put his hand on her arm... she jerked away from him.

"Don't you "baby" me! I don't wanna hear it!"

"Angie, calm down!" he reached for her again.

"Don't touch me! Just get away from me!"

_Jesus, she's hysterical. What the fuck do I do now? _Suddenly he was angry.

"I was doin' what I had to do. I was tryin' to help a friend. I can't believe that you don't get that!"

She turned and stormed into the office, slamming the door behind her.

"Jesus Christ!" he said out loud. He heard her talking. She was on the phone. He tried to listen in on the conversation.

"I can't be here right now. Please come get me?" A pause, and then, "Thanks."

She came out of the office and went into the bedroom. He followed her. "Who were you talkin' to?"

She was pulling stuff out of her dresser drawers. "None of your business. Leave me alone."

"It is my business. Who's comin' to get you? Where are you goin'?"

"I'm gonna go stay with Marilyn. I can't be here right now."

_Oh, fuck no, you can't leave..._ "Angie, please don't leave. Let's talk this out. You're really pissed off right now, and I get that, but..."

"Don, just leave me alone." She tossed the clothes she'd pulled out into a duffle bag. She grabbed her hair brush off the dresser and blew past him and went into the bathroom, retrieving her toothbrush. She threw both into the bag and zipped it shut.

Suddenly she stopped storming around. She'd packed up what she was taking to Marilyn's and had come to a point where there was nothing to do but wait for her to show up. Don looked at her. She was staring at the bed. He wondered if there was a chance that he could get through to her now, during this lull in her tirade...

He knew better than to try to touch her, but it was the hardest thing he'd ever done, to not reach out to her.

"Angie? Please don't leave. Stay here and let's talk this out."

"I can't be here now. I'm going to Marilyn's."

Sudden anger erupted inside him. He felt it boil up from below his stomach, flowing up through him like a red wave. "God dammit, you are such a crazy bitch sometimes! Fine! Go to Marilyn's! I'm sick of dealin' with your hysterics!"

She looked at him like she'd never seen him before. Clearly he'd shocked her with his outburst. She turned and went into the bathroom. He heard the door lock.

_Oh, jesus, what did I just do? Maybe it's good that she's leavin'. _He dropped onto the sofa and leaned over, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands, and tried to calm down. _My gettin' all worked up is not gonna help... _

About the time his heart had slowed down and he was breathing evenly, Marilyn knocked at the front door. He got up and let her in.

Marilyn looked at him with concern. "Hey honey, are you ok?"

"I've been better. She locked herself in the bathroom. She's way off her track. Good luck."

Marilyn put her hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry Don. What happened?"

"It's about the drug raid and Danny gettin' taken hostage. It's a long story and I'm sure you're gonna hear it from her.

"Yeah, she'll give me the rant alright. But I bet she'll be ok tomorrow, after she's had time to think."

"I don't know, Marilyn. I've never seen her this angry and freaked out. She won't even let me touch her."

"Well, we'll see. I'll take good care of her. Will you be ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. You better go get her outta there." He went into the kitchen. He didn't want to watch her leave. He heard Marilyn talking to her, heard the bathroom door open, and heard Angie's voice. Then he heard them walk through the living room and out the front door. He was alone. _Fuck. This is gonna be a long night._

Angie woke early, but Marilyn was even earlier. She was in the kitchen making coffee and starting a batch of biscuits when Angie wandered out and sat down at the table.

"Oh, bless you Marilyn. You have no idea how much I need coffee."

"I bet you won't turn down my biscuits either."

"I'd be crazy to do that."

"You can take some home for Don."

"What makes you think I'm ready to go home? I haven't gotten over being pissed off at him yet."

"Ok, well let's talk about that. You're mad at Don because he offered to exchange himself for Danny, right?"

Angie nodded.

"Why?" Marilyn asked.

"Because he doesn't have the right to do that."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He has an obligation to me, to our relationship. He was supposed to be negotiating with the bad guys, not offering himself to them! Stupid motherfucker."

Marilyn shook her head and smiled.

"What?" Angie asked. Marilyn was laughing at her!

"It's not funny, Marilyn!"

"No, it's not. But you are."

"Oh, great. Thanks alot. I came over here for support from you, not so you could laugh at me."

"Angie, honey, calm down. I'm not laughing at you. It's just that you keep forgetting that Don is just doing his job."

"I know that, but his job doesn't include offering himself as a hostage. I get that Danny is his friend, but..."

"Danny is his best friend, Angie. Are you gonna tell me you wouldn't do something like that for your best friend?"

Angie had to think about that. _Am I brave enough to do that? I don't really have a best friend, other than Don. I'd do it for him... _

Angie realized that this was, in fact, exactly the kind of thing that Don would do. _And that's one of the reasons why I love him so much. He can be the tough cop, the king of the interrogation, but he's a caring man who loves with his whole heart. Of course he'd offer to exchange himself for Danny. His best friend was injured. If it had been me, he'd have done the same thing, without hesitation._

"He'd have done the same thing for me. He wasn't just doing his job; he was being who he is. He couldn't not offer, knowing that his friend was hurt."

"I was wondering when you were gonna figure that out."

"I was just so mad at him for deliberately putting himself in harm's way, or at least offering to. I couldn't get past that. I felt... betrayed, I think. Like, oh, you love me so much, but not so much that you wouldn't risk your own life for someone else without even letting me know..."

"Are you jealous of Danny?"

"No. I'm glad he has a friend like Danny. Shit, Marilyn, if it had been me he'd offered himself for I'd have been just as angry. Maybe more so. So no, it's not Danny."

Angie thought for a moment. "I think I can see it from his point of view... when you love someone, you care more about them than you do about yourself. He loves Danny. They trust each other with their lives. Don and I are the same way. Each of us would die for the other. I think what tripped me up was that I didn't get a say in it. The commitment between Don and me is different than the one between he and Danny, but it's all part of a greater whole."

Marilyn smiled. "You know, you amaze me sometimes. Once you calm down and think, you are incredibly insightful. It's too bad you can't come to these conclusions before you fly off the handle and walk out on poor Don."

"I think my being so emotional is one of the things he loves about me. But then it's also one of the things that makes him crazy."

"Well, I doubt that life with you is ever boring!"

"It's not boring with him either. Sometimes it's a bit too stressful. But then, I knew he was cop from the start. I took that with the rest of the package. And I still have no regrets."

"So why don't you call him and invite him over for breakfast?"

"He's probably still asleep."

"Oh comeon, honey, you know he's just lying there awake waiting for you to call. Don't torture him any more. Call him."

Don had been lying awake in bed since before the sun rose. His head ached and his stomach burned. The bed felt cold and harsh without Angie beside him. He'd slept fitfully, waking up several times, feeling disoriented and and looking over to where she should have been, and then getting hit with a wave of anxiety when he remembered that she wasn't there.

He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He thought about Angie going ballistic on him and leaving with Marilyn, and then he felt an icy hand grab him by the heart and drag him back to memories of what had set her off to begin with. The hostage negotiations, and his offer to trade himself for his injured friend and colleague. Echoes of gunfire rang through his head, and the events of the day gathered together and came rushing at him, hitting him like a car hitting a wall, a car carrying another wave of anxiety that crashed through the windshield and hit him full on. He felt the wall buckle under it's weight, felt the horrifying memories pelt him like broken glass, cutting into his defenses, making his foundation shift and slide. He gave himself a mental shake and realized that he was breathing in shallow gasps.

"Jesus, Flack, get a grip," he said aloud. "Angie's not here. Danny's not here. You gotta deal with this yourself this time." He closed his eyes and made himself breathe, slowly, deliberately, evenly. It was difficult at first, but after a while he felt himself start to calm down.

_It's ok. Danny's hurt, but he's alive. Angie's pissed off at me but she'll be ok. We'll talk it out. Just keep breathin'. _

The sound of the phone ringing cut through the silence of the bedroom. Don looked over at the display. It was Marilyn. _Is it Marilyn? Or is it Angie? Oh, please let it be Angie..._

"Hello?"

"Hey handsome."

Don silently thanked God. "Hey, hi. Whatcha doin'?"

"I'm sitting in Marilyn's kitchen waiting for the coffee to get done."

"Oh, coffee sounds great."

"Did I wake you?"

"Oh no, I've been layin' here starin' at the ceiling for the past hour and a half."

"Hm. I didn't sleep very well either."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't Don. Not right now. Marilyn and I want you to come over for breakfast."

"Yeah?"

"She's making biscuits."

"Oh, I can't pass that up. I gotta take a shower and then I'll be over."

"Ok. Don?"

"Yeah baby?"

"I love you."

Don smiled. "I love you too. See ya in a bit."

He hung up the phone and took a deep breath. He'd been so afraid she wouldn't call, or worse yet, that Marilyn would call and tell him that she didn't want to talk to him and wasn't ready to go home yet. To hear from her and have her ask him to come over was a huge relief. He tumbled out of bed and hit the shower.

His relief and happiness turned to anxiety the closer he got to the market. By the time he climbed the stairs to the apartment he had a knot in his stomach. He couldn't help fearing that one day he was going to push her too far and lose her. _Get a grip, Flack. Don't start creatin' problems where there aren't any... I hope... oh Jesus, just knock on the fuckin' door already!_

Angie must have been watching for him, because the door opened before he had a chance to knock. He looked down at her. She'd just gotten out of the shower. Her hair was damp and he caught the fragrance of the soap and shampoo she'd used. She looked up at him with her big brown eyes and he felt like his heart would jump out of his chest. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She didn't say anything; she just stared up at him with a look of serious intensity.

"Angie, let the man in! Hey honey, it's good to see you. Here, let me get you some coffee."

"Thanks Marilyn." Angie dropped her gaze and stepped aside to let him in. He wanted desperately to grab her into his arms and just hold her. He hesitated. Then she took his hand. _Ok, here it comes... _he felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff. She led him to the bedroom she'd slept in, the one she'd lived in before she moved in with him. She sat down on the bed, and he sat down beside her.

"Deja vu, huh?" Don said.

"Yeah. What were we fighting about that time?"

"Uh, me sayin' that you knew the schedules that criminals keep."

"Oh. Right. I remember now."

"Yeah, I worked all that overtime coverin' for sick cops and I was one of the last ones to catch it."

"You were really sick."

"I was suicidal. I still say it's a good thing I was too weak to go get my gun. That is, until you came and saved me."

She smiled, but he could see tears in her eyes. _Ok Don, you knew she was gonna cry, so deal with it... _He put his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned into him. _Nope, this isn't close enough... _

"Jesus, I can't stand this. Comere." He pulled her onto his lap, and she collapsed into his arms. She wasn't sobbing this time. She just held onto him, her head on his shoulder, tears trickling down her cheeks and onto his shirt.

"I don't know what to say, Angie. I can sit here and tell you I'm sorry, but that's gotta be gettin' old by now. And I gotta be honest with you. What I did yesterday? I'd do it again in a heartbeat. But not just for Danny. I'd do it for you too. I hope you know that. I couldn't turn my back on my best friend, any more than I could turn my back on you."

"I know," she said softly.

"Ok, well that's good to hear but what do you mean, exactly? You're not givin' me much to go on."

"I know now that you did what you did out of love for Danny, and that you'd have done the same for me."

"But are you ok with that? I mean, last night you were so upset, so pissed off at me. You wouldn't look at me, wouldn't let me touch you. God, that hurt! There must be a reason why you were so far off your track. If you know why I offered myself in exchange for Danny, then..."

"I said I know now why you did it. Last night I didn't. I hadn't worked it out yet. I was operating with my emotions, not my rational mind. Familiar theme with me, right?" Her voice broke and he caressed her lovingly, praying that she wouldn't get hysterical on him.

She was sitting on his lap, facing him. She'd been resting her head on his shoulder, but now she sat up and looked at him.

"What had me so far off my track, as you put it, was that I didn't get a say in it. I understand you wanting to protect your friend but I feel like I should have had some input. And I didn't get any. Did you think of me at all while you were offering to trade places with Danny?"

"That's not a fair question, and you know it."

"What the hell does that mean?" She was suddenly angry. _Oh shit..._

"We've talked about this before. I can't stop to think about how you're gonna react every time I get into a dangerous situation. If I did, I wouldn't be able to do my job. Of course I thought about you. But once you flash through my mind, I have to let go of you so I can do what I need to do. I'm sorry if that sounds like I don't care about how you feel, because that's not true at all. But I can't... jesus, how can I say this without sounding cruel..."

He knew he had to choose his words carefully. "I can't afford to let anything distract me from the task at hand. And in that moment, when lives are on the line and I have to be able to think on my feet, you would be a distraction, because of how much I love you, and how much you love me. If I stopped to think about it, I'd be fucked. I don't know what else to say. Except that I'd have done the same thing for you or anyone else who I love."

"I know."

"Again with the 'I know'. But what does that mean, that you know? That you know it and you accept it and you still wanna be with me, or that you know, but you can't take this anymore and you wanna break up?"

She frowned at him. "Why would you think I'd wanna break up?"

"Because I can't help doin' this to you, it's part of my job. I worry that maybe someday you'll get to where you can't take it anymore. You think I don't know how hard it is to be in love with a cop? I mean, I've never been in love with one, but I get it. I worry about Danny, and I know he worries about me.

I love you so much, but I feel guilty about what I put you through. I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't handle it. But I pray every day that you can, because I cannot imagine my life without you."

"Don, I can't imagine my life without you either. We've made it this far, right? We'll be ok." She laughed, but it was a mirthless laugh.

"What?" he asked.

"I was worried that you were gonna tell me you couldn't handle my emotional outbursts anymore and that _you _wanted to break up with _me_."

It was another one of those moments when he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He was saved from making the decision by a knock at the door.

"Are you two gonna come have breakfast?" Marilyn called from the hallway. "I made a lotta biscuits." Angie got up from his lap and opened the door. Marilyn was smiling.

Don smiled back. "Biscuits? Just try to keep 'em away from me!"


End file.
